Fighting Cancer with a Non-Positive Attitude!

The insistence that a positive attitude is critical to “beating” cancer is a form of terrorism against people who are fighting for their lives. Somehow our society believes that getting a diagnosis of cancer should turn you from an average state of mood, or less than average mood, into being a constant cheerleader! “I got cancer! Ra Ra Ra!” If you don’t display this constant blissful state, you’ve got a poor attitude, you’re not fighting the cancer well enough, and you’re probably gonna die. What bunk!

It’s almost universal that getting a diagnosis of cancer (or any other dreaded disease) causes people to get real about their lives in a big hurry. And being real involves having access to a full range of human emotions, not covering them up. Emotions are our natural friends, not our enemies. Yet uncomfortable emotions like fear, anger, grief, sadness are seen in our culture as “feeling sorry for yourself”, or “on the pitty pot” and need to be covered over.

People who courageously display emotions are criticized by friends and family members as being “overly emotional” or “negative”. People who quell those natural feelings to show only their stoic side are commended for their courage. Nobody commends you for your courage when you feel like a lump of Jell-O in the hot sun! Yet each can be a true expression of how you’re genuinely feeling in the moment, and as such, is an act of courage.

The “positive attitude” tyranny is almost a national obsession! I believe it comes from two places. First, there is a fundamental misunderstanding of what constitutes a true positive attitude, and how one achieves it. The second is our national intolerance of emotional expression.

I'll address these twin problems in future postings. For now, just know that it’s helpful, not harmful, to be an authentic, real living person, even with cancer.

All the best,
Judith Frost, MSW
The Cancer Coach
http://www.cancer-coach.com