Who me? Cause My Cancer?

If you’re not living in a hole, you’ve heard about The Secret, a book and movie that has been sweeping the country. The contributors were even on Oprah, getting her enthusiastic approval. The book is based on the “Law of Attraction” which, in a nutshell, says that if it’s in your life, you brought it here. That includes cancer. Sorry Oprah, you blew it this time.

Did you cause your cancer? Read Louise Hay, she says so. She offers no proof but her profound understanding of how the world works, but she’s absolutely certain. She has a large band of followers that totally agree with her. Certainly The Secret folks would agree with her. Actually I wish it were that easy. If you can think it in, you can think it out. The ovarian cancer my doctors were certain was there was not cancer when the surgery was done. Does that mean I thought it in and out? Maybe, but maybe not. How could I be certain either way/

This approach can be ok if you can take the possibility in and use it to change how you look at things and how you do your relationships. Whether you believe in The Secret or not, you’re probably doing this anyway. But what if what you need to learn is to be more accessible to your own feelings like anger, fear and sadness? The only way to do feelings is to do them first hand, not through someone else or from afar. That means that, for at least a while, you dwell in those feelings. Will that make the cancer spread because what you think you get more of?

Balderdash! The true recipe for disaster is stuffing your feelings and pretending they don’t exist. Then you have to distract yourself from what’s real in your life through eating dysfunctionally, workaholism, drugs and alcohol, road rage.

Last week I was counseling with yet another person who was terrified that she was spreading her cancer because she couldn’t help being afraid. The Secret folks may be helping a few people, god knows they’re raking in the dough, but they are doing a tremendous disservice to people like the client above. One thing people with cancer don’t need is something else to be worried and ashamed about!

All the best,

Judith Frost, MSW
www.cancer-coach.com

Post Traumatic Stress in Cancer Part II Tips

Remember, you're not crazy when you experience Post Traumatic Stress from having cancer or cancer treatment, any more than you are if you experience PTSD from rape or war trauma. You're experiencing an normal response to an abnormal event.

Seven tips to help you feel better:

1. Engage all of your senses in anchoring you in the here and now. Play your favorite music, get a regular massage, get out in the sunshine. Seek safe physical contact such as hugs and hand holding. Create a self-talk routine in which you talk to yourself with gentle reassurance that you are safe today.

2. Walk, run, play tennis or go to the gym. Exercise releases endorphins (the feel good chemicals) in your body. It also increases the flow of oxygen throughout your body, which increase your sense of well-being and control.

3. Eat well, keep your body well hydrated. Take time to breathe deeply and center, reminding yourself of today’s date and where you are.

4. Limit the amount of violent TV you watch, or violent video games you play. These things amp you up with the same kinds of chemicals that flowed during the trauma. The idea is to process those chemicals, not add more to them.

5. Avoid alcohol and illegal drugs. While it may feel like they soothe you, they will disturb the processing the brain does during sleep. If you need help sleeping, practice sound sleep hygiene techniques or some energy techniques to help you get good rest, or talk to your physician.

5. Keep a gratitude journal, especially at night before you go to bed, and in the morning before you start your day. Write down at least three things you’re grateful for that day and why. Focus on these things for a few minutes before you go to sleep or start your day.

6. Be active rather than doing the couch potato thing. Even if you don’t feel like you have the energy, get up and do something constructive that takes action in a positive direction. Even small things will move you forward.

7. Learn some easy Energy Psychology techniques, like EFT, to soothe the anxiety and calm your body. Seek the help of an Energy Therapist or trusted friend to help you if you need.

Remember, what you’re experiencing is a normal response to an abnormal event.

All the best,
Judith frost, MSW
www.cancer-coach.com

Post Traumatic Stress in Cancer

People experiencing Post Traumatic Stress due to one or more traumatic events, like having cancer, often feel like they’re crazy or weak because they “can’t get over it.” What we now know about trauma is that it’s less an emotional reaction than it is a physical one, even though its biggest symptoms are panic, anxiety and depression. What happens during the traumatic even is that all the systems in your body went into fight, flight or freeze mode, and your body and brain released a huge number of chemicals to help you be more alert and survive.

Sometimes, though, those chemicals interfere with the normal processing of events that the brain generally does on a daily basis. So the traumatic event doesn’t go to the back of your mind like the time you stubbed your toe did. The traumatic events stay “stuck” in the front of your brain, causing you to relive the images, smells, sounds that happened during the event. Anything can trigger that reliving, and panic attacks, even anger and rage attacks may happen as a result. The body and brain believe that you are actually living through it all over again and you’re not safe anywhere.

What we now know is that you were and are acting normally in response to an abnormal event. The events of war, rape, assault and other traumas are not normal events, but your brain and body responded in a totally normal way to protect you, but that now the events are frozen in your immediate recall memory. Post Traumatic Stress is a normal chemical and physical response to abnormal events.

Research shows that Post Traumatic Stress will slowly resolve for most people (as many as 85%) over time. In other cases, especially if you experienced physical injury as a result of the trauma, you may need professional help to recover fully.

Next time I'll give you some tips for dealing with Post Traumatic Stress.

All the best,
Judith Frost, MSW
www.cancer-coach.com

Fighting Cancer: People always think cancer means death!

It happened again! Someone wanted to give me to help her mom with an adjustment problem, and said "I thought of you and i know you do just hospice and death, but i wonder if you would be able to help out my mom..." The Cancer Coach. Must be death and dying because it's cancer related. Balderdash!

I don't help people die, I help people with cancer live! Live to the very best they can, whether it's a week or a hundred more years. But people always think it's about dying. I guess, if you look at it existentially, it is about dying, because everything after birth is heading us toward our dying. But it's not necessarily about dying of cancer.

One of the fundamental problems about coping with a diagnosis of cancer, is the absolute, elemental terror it strikes in people's hearts. It's as if you're tied to a railroad track and hear the not-so-distant whistle of the train. That's how most people respond and why there's so often a rush to treatment.

I'm working on how to help people move through that terror swiftly into a calmer, more rational state of mind. More on that later...it's a work in progress for sure!

All the best,
Judith Frost, MSW
The Cancer Coach
www.cancer-coach.com

Fighting Cancer: Getting Through Chemo

At the Cancer as a Turning Point Conference, I was reminded that, for many people, just surviving to the end of their chemotherapy course is a fight in itself. A young woman, Wendy, approached Dr. Jeremy Geffen, our keynote speaker, and asked him about the chemo she was on. She explained, at the point of tears, how awful it was for her. Dr. Geffen was very kind, listened to her story and said that it sounded like the chemo she’s on could make a big difference for her outcome. He encouraged Wendy to do whatever she needed to do to finish the course. Wendy shook her head and said she really didn’t think she could do it.
About one-third of people who start a chemotherapy regimen don’t finish because of the unacceptable side effects. One-third! Assuming that the chemo will actually add time to their lives, that’s a huge statement of how hard it really can be for some people.

I met an Oncology nurse a few years ago who said, "that nausea stuff’s a thing of the past with the new drugs (Zofran, etc). If I’m doing my job right, there is no nausea!" A bold statement indeed. Based on the number of people I see who still have fairly severe nausea and vomiting with their chemo, I think she may have been too enthusiastic. Still, it’s easier now for some than it used to be.

But putting that aside, it’s often the fatigue that really wears people down. When that sets it, you can start feeling pretty hopeless. A lot of people are really gung ho in the beginning and, tho they’re scared, they believe they’ll do anything to survive. Half way through, that all feels very far away.

It’s better to plan ahead if you can. Get your toolbox filled and start practicing those things that you can. Here are some of the top things you will need.

1. Do enough research to certain down to your bones that this particular therapy combination represents your very best chance of long term survival. If you don’t believe it down to your bones, don’t start it. Check out my special report "How to Choose Cancer Treatment" available for Free on my website

2. Gather your support system. Choose someone to be in charge of keeping on-going support happening. You’ll need someone to drive you to and from treatment, people to make meals, vacuum and watch the kids. You may be able to do those things now, but later might be too much. Look at what your needs might be and ask now. Don’t forget to be sure there’s someone whose shoulder you can cry on, who will listen to your pain and be with you during it (usually not a family member or spouse—they’re got their own issues with your illness).

3. Start getting massage, acupuncture, energy work, guided imagery and coaching or counseling. Don’t wait until things are unbearable. Using these early on can help things from becoming unbearable!

There are other tools, but these are the top three for helping you finish your chemo regimen.

All the best,
Judith Frost, MSW
The Cancer Coach
www.cancer-coach.com

Fighting Cancer: Using the Resources

I am moved and humbled after spending this weekend at the Cancer as a Turning Point conference in Seattle. The speakers and performers were incredible, all having been touched by cancer, many having survived monumental struggles for life. It was awestriking.

How do people do it? We all talk about supporting our troops in Iraq, hang yellow ribbons, stage marches and welcome-ins for those returning. Their courage in the face of incredible heat, IEDs, snipers...we all wonder how we could survive. They are visible, in the news every day.

Yet a million people a year in this country go into a terrible place of cancer, have body parts removed, endure toxic "juice" pumping into their bodies, and grapple with the ever-present dark shadow of death. Their tour of duty is often at least a year, sometimes much longer. And there's no guarantee of ultimate success.

This conference is a glorious way of supporting those troops, the cancer troops, their loved ones and health professionals. No one can listen to these stories and not be deeply moved. Cancer is a changing disease, it changes everyone it touches in profound and sometimes surprising ways.

For those who are in the struggle right now, so many people, speakers and participants, offered tremendous hope for the possibilities of life with and through cancer. There were so many people there who had been given six months or a year to live, and were telling about it years after the grim pronouncements. They talked about how hard it was, how scared they were, what it took to survive and rebuild their lives.

For me, there was too much to process in one day. I know what i experienced will continue to change me and will show up on the pages of this blog. For now,

All the best,
Judith Frost, MSW
The Cancer Coach
www.cancer-coach.com

Cancer as a Turning Point

The "Cancer as a Turning Point" conference is being held in Seattle tomorrow and Sunday. It's a wonderful event, full of information and camaraderie---several hundred people together, sharing an intimate knowledge of cancer. It's hard to describe why it's so moving, but it is. It's a celebration of courage and humanity in the face of a dread enemy. Music, poetry, sadness and joy.

If you're in the Seattle area, come! It's free, at Meany Hall on the UW campus. I'll be shuttling speakers and musicians around on both days, but stop me and say hello. If you can't make Seattle, the San Francisco conference is coming up soon also.

Gotta run. I'm due at the airport to pick up Sista Monica shortly.

All the best,
Judith Frost, MSW
The Cancer Coach
http://www.cancer-coach.com

Fighting Cancer with a Non-Positive Attitude! Part 3

In my last posting I talked about how the original concept of having positive expectations had morphed into the oppressive version of "positive attitude" we live with today. This fundamental misunderstanding of what a "positive attitude" really is has become gospel in the public mind as necessary for successfully fighting cancer.

Enter the second reason the "positive attitude" in fighting illness has become a national credo. We don’t like feelings. We just don’t like them. They’re messy, sometimes embarrassing when we show them to others. "Men don’t cry." "There’s nothing worse than an angry woman!" "Aren’t you over that yet?" And on and on. So when the "positive attitude" literature began to appear, we just took it and ran with it—in the wrong direction.

As far as I can tell, having a "positive attitude" is displaying a demeanor that makes the fewest people uncomfortable. Since most people are uncomfortable with any overt expression of emotion, the less you show, the more positive your attitude! And, by the way, the more kudos you get for your courage. Add to that the fear that many people have that expressing so-called "negative" emotions causes cancer to grow, and you don’t stand a chance!

Terry just melted when she found out her breast cancer had recurred. " I took to my bed crying for three days! I just couldn’t do anything else. I’m such a coward!" She was dumbfounded when I told her that her response was a normal reaction to an abnormal event. Her family had been distraught because they thought it meant she had given up. Not so! She just needed time to come to grips with the terrible news before she could get up and do what she needed to do.

Not everyone will react the way that Terry did, but many do. Others bury their feelings and try to carry on as usual. But suppressing honest emotion behind a false "positive" front is one of the surest set-ups for depression, inappropriate expression of anger (hurting self, others or property), hopelessness, anxiety attacks and isolation. Other than that, it’s fine!

I remember Jean, who had panic attacks and screaming outbursts for months after her diagnosis of stage 4 colon cancer. Her husband, sons and doctors kept telling her she was going to be fine, and she needed to get control of herself. Her therapist told her she had to get a better attitude or "the cancer will win." As things continued to get worse, her husband finally called me in desperation to "do something with her."

What I did was get copies of her records and test results. Then Jean and I went over them carefully. She asked pointed, intelligent questions and I told her the truth as I understood it. We cried together a little, and talked a long time. She called her oncologist and set up an appointment to talk about treatment options vs palliative care.

Even though she finally knew that she was probably not going to survive this cancer, Jean said she felt calm for the first time in nearly a year. "I knew it was bad all along, but no one would tell me the truth. I felt like I was going crazy, and I was terrified all the time. I can deal with dying. I couldn’t deal with not being able to talk about it."

Jean did not have a single panic attack or screaming outburst from then until her death 16 months later. She had times that she was terribly afraid, she cried to be sure, and she expressed her anger at her life being cut unfairly short. But she never again felt or acted "crazy". Her quality of life improved dramatically as she delved into the meaning of living and dying. Jean spent meaningful time with her friends, her husband and her children. She outlived her doctors’ prognosis by eight months, dying peacefully surrounded by her family.

This scenario happens to a less dramatic degree to thousands of cancer patients and their families every year. But, as Jean's story shows, being able to express your true feelings in a safe and healthy way lessens stress and fear, and increases your overall quality of life. Talking about what’s important with loved ones draws you closer together. It’s not always easy, but it’s enormously meaningful to all. This is what takes real courage, not maintaining a false courage to the world.

There’s one more segment to this chapter. It’s about the "d" word. Why talking about dying is good for your living.

All the best,
Judith Frost, MSW
The Cancer Coach
http://www.cancer-coach.com